She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
