Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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