I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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