he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
