Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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