i just wanna soil my oats bro
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
