asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
