Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
