Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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