I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
