I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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