im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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