girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
