ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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