This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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