i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
