There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
