One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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