Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
