Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
