if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
