There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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