if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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