I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
