we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
