I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
