so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
