I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
