Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
