It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
