What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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