i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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