you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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