You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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