I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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