I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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