When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
