Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
