So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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