Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
