Betty ford says i'm here all night
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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