Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
