I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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