My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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