Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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