sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
