The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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