The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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