The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
