just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
