dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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